The Fraud Police: Who the Heck Do I Think I Am?

And once again, I look up from my keyboard, and three months have passed since I wrote a blog entry. This summer seems more hectic than usual: first, there were preparations for my son’s high school graduation and party. We’ve now also entered the time when my second artistic career (musician) kicks into high gear with community band concerts. And we’re planning for the departure of my son for college.

But in the middle of this, I FINISHED THE FIRST DRAFT OF MY NEXT NOVEL!!! It took over two years of inconsistent effort, but it’s completed. Now the fun of editing! No ETA as to when it will be fit for human consumption, but I’ll let you know when I know.

And now to start the blog proper…

The Fraud Police

This blog post was inspired by a convergence of events (which often seems to happen). I’m currently reading The Art of Asking or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help by Amanda Palmer. While I’m reading that, I also caught an episode of Sarah Werner’s podcast Write Now entitled  Self-Writing and Self-Talk available here and wherever fine podcasts are available.

Who Are The Fraud Police?

Amanda Palmer’s book The Art of Asking or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help grew out of her TED Talk of the same title which you can see here. In her book, she describes The Fraud Police; her visualization of the imposter syndrome. Here’s her definition:

“The Fraud Police are the imaginary, terrifying force of ‘real’ grown-ups who you believe – at some subconscious level –  are going to come knocking on your door in the middle of the night, saying:

We’ve been watching you, and we have evidence that you have NO IDEA WHAT YOU’RE DOING. You stand accused of the crime of completely winging it, you are guilty of making shit up as you go along, you do not actually deserve your job, we are taking everything away and we are TELLING EVERYBODY.”

This passage really hit home with me on so many levels. I feel like I’m constantly trying to elude capture by The Fraud Policy. This feeling hits me hardest when I’m playing in the pit orchestra for a musical. Almost everyone else in the orchestra is or was a music teacher meaning they took years of music classes. I feel like I’m largely self-taught because due to freakish timing, I had 6 different band teachers in 6 years. My music education was messed up to be sure. I strongly considered going to college to be a music teacher, but I found computers and that was that.

So, I sit there, surrounded by all of these professionals and I wait for The Fraud Police to take me away because I don’t have all of that training. I can usually rise above it, but when thrown into a situation like that, I almost feel like I have to apologize for being part of the group.

And Now The Other Shoe

Right after reading about The Fraud Police, I listened to Sarah’s podcast. The message of that podcast was to treat yourself the same way you would treat someone else. Don’t call yourself an idiotic, untalented hack. You likely wouldn’t say that to anyone else, why should you say it about yourself?

And that’s when it occurred to me how the two are interrelated. The Fraud Police are definitely inciting the riot in your mind that tells you that you’re no good, no one wants your work, and to quote Chris Farley’s character, Matt Foley, you’ll end up “living in a van down by the river!”

How Do You Evade The Fraud Policy?

I’m not sure I have any real answers because I feel like I’m constantly being chased by The Fraud Policy in all my endeavors. Here are things that sometimes work for me:

• Join a group – I’m not much for joining discussion groups, but one thing that’s helped me on the writing side is joining the I Am A Writer. group on Facebook. Meeting people who are at various stages of their writing journey had helped me see where I am on my writing journey. It made me realize that I had learned a thing or two so maybe I wasn’t such a fraud after all.
• Give Yourself A Little Love – This is where Sarah’s podcast comes in. Try to remember that you should talk to yourself the same way you would talk to someone else. I know this sounds a little Stuart Smalley (“I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!”). In Sarah’s podcast, she suggests trying to write yourself as a character, treating yourself fairly, adding the good and the bad. In another podcast, Sarah suggested getting business cards that say you are a writer…and that’s exactly what I did. I gave them away at the local Arts Festival, but I have one sitting on my desk at home and my cubicle at work to remind me.
•  Just Keep Swimming – Dory’s quote from Finding Nemo is truly words to live by. Just keep trying. There’s something about that phrase “faking until you’re making it”. If you just keep doing whatever it is, you will get better, and very slowly, you begin to see The Fraud Police as a figment of your imagination. I’ve now finished writing two books. In my head, that means, yes I’m a writer. Writing a book could be a fluke, but finishing the second one to me means that I am a writer.

You Have the Right To Remain Exactly How You Are

I hope that I’m not alone in my fugitive status from The Fraud Police. I try to follow my own advice and most of the time, it works. But there are days when I do get caught by The Fraud Police and I just wallow in despair.

But today, I’m Mike Tefft – a geek, a musician, and a writer.

Happy Journeys!
Mike