We Interrupt This Novel Already in Progress…
I wish you all a very Happy New Year! Although I hate resolutions, I am going to try to be much better about updating this blog and giving updates on my work.
So, what have I been doing since the infamous (and barely read) Call of Chturkey post? Well, it was mostly work, get ready for Christmas, and work some more. My day job as a programmer has had me working long hours, but I have a feeling that it’s going to curtail sharply now and I’ll have more time to write. Both my novel and blog posts…that’s the plan at any rate.
As you might guess from the tag line, I’ve TEMPORARILY suspended work on my novel. Fear not – I am returning to the exploits of Malcolm and company shortly, but quite frankly, I saw a writing contest that I absolutely could not refuse to enter.
Simon & Schuster are sponsoring the Star Trek: Strange New Worlds fan fiction contest. Basically, you need to submit a short story about any character in the Star Trek Universe. The top ten stories will be printed in an ebook and physical book anthology.
When I saw this, I knew immediately that I couldn’t pass this up. As I’ve said on multiple occasions, the character Scotty has long been an inspiration to me. Possibly it came from meeting James Doohan when I was a college freshman majoring in Engineering. Malcolm’s character is directly inspired by Scotty. It should come as no surprise to anyone that my story would focus on Scotty.
Without giving too much away, the story takes place immediately after the events of Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan after Scotty has been promoted to Captain of Engineering and transferred to the Excelsior. Hopefully you’ll be able to read it in the final anthology (keeping my fingers crossed).
Have no fear; I will be back to continue the adventures of Malcolm and his crew. The contest ends within the next two weeks, so I will turn my focus back to Malcolm and the Daedalus.
Until my next post, I wish all of you a very healthy, prosperous, and happy new year!
May the winds be at your back!
Mike
Read MoreThe Call of Cthurkey
I was going to write a blog post listing all things for which I am thankful, but fate intervened. I stumbled upon a story about the the Chermpumple and I noticed a link at the bottom to a story about…the Cthurkey. Here’s a picture:
After reading this, a story instantly came to my mind. And as a Thanksgiving gift to you, I present:
The Call of Cthurkey
by Michael Tefft
(with apologizes to H.P. Lovecraft)
The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human stomach to tolerate the most obscene combinations. Cooking shows on the Food Network strain in each direction to inspire more and more strange combinations, but so far, none that our stomachs can’t handle. But some day, we will find the combination of foods that will surely drive us mad.
My knowledge of such a thing occurred this Thanksgiving. As was tradition, we assembled at the house of my parents. In the morning, we gathered in front of the television to watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, as was our want. I could smell a strange odor coming from the kitchen; at once delicious, while at the same time repugnant. Strangely, my mother would not let me help in any way with the cooking, saying simply she was trying something different and wanted to make it a surprise.
After some time, I asked my father if I could borrow his computer to check the hockey scores as cell reception was nearly zero at my parents’ house and my fantasy hockey team was not going to run itself. He grunted from his recliner and I went to my former bedroom, now the home office.
As I brought up the browser window, I noticed that one of my parents had left the browser brought up in a page full of strange and arcane recipes. As I read the page, I looked in horror at combinations of gelatin formed into translucent prisons for meat, vegetables or fruit. As the dread rose along with the bile in my throat, I read the “Comments”. And buried in the comments was a link to what was described as the most forbidden food combinations put together. The link simply read “Crockernomicon”.
With some trepidation, I moved the mouse and with a deep sense of foreboding, clicked the link. The site loaded; I immediately felt like I had stumbled on some lost and forbidden lore. I saw recipes for Jellied Chicken Loaf, Shrimp Aspic Mold, and Pickle Stretcher Salad. The more I read, the more my stomach gurgled and I swallowed hard to force down the rising bile. And then at the bottom of the page was a link to “A Truly Unique Thanksgiving Treat”. To my horror, I realized that the link had been already visited. With trembling hand, I clicked the link.
At the top of the page, I saw the phrase “In his tureen of Gr’vy, Chturkey waits for dressing”. Before I could read any more, my sister came to the door to tell me that the feast was ready. I closed the browser before I could finish looking at the screen, sure that I saved my sanity.
I followed my sister to the dining room table and froze. Before me lay a tableau out of a nightmare. On plates and serving trays were a collection of abominations that would destroy a man’s sanity. First, a transparent green tower trapped what looked like cole slaw within its shiny emerald walls. Nearby, a translucent white mound with flecks of red and green; the whole thing wobbling as the plate was handed from person to person. More and more of these transparent or translucent concoctions were handed to me. I knew what was expected and with rising dread, I scooped the various congealed food onto my plate. As I stared at the utter horror awaiting me, I was snapped from my daze by my mother’s voice. “Now for the main course.”
Nothing that that I had seen in my life prepared me for the horror that arrived on the platter. On bed of brussels sprouts that looked like the spawn of the Triffids, lay a true abomination. A fully roasted turkey with the tentacles of an octopus and the legs of a crab stretched the limits of sanity of my mind. This could only be one thing: the dread Cthurkey. Nothing I had seen in the Crockernomicon had prepared me for this. My father took his electric carving knife and hacked into the monstrosity. When asked if I wanted white meat or dark, I asked for white in fear that I might be eating turkey stained with the inky blackness of the octopus.
I ate and soon the strain was more than my brain could handle. Dinner became a blur. I must have paused out as I awoke alone on the recliner in front of the television, dimly aware that a football game was playing. As I tried to shake the horror of the feast from my mind, I kept hearing in my mind the words from the dread Crockernomicon:
“In his tureen of Gr’vy, Cthurkey waits for dressing”
I wish you and yours a very Happy Thanksgiving. I am thankful this year for everyone who has supported me as a writer. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Mike
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Why I Love Halloween
Halloween is very nearly my favorite holiday of the year – it’s closest rival is Christmas which I think I give the edge to because of the giving of presents. It used to be the receiving of presents (and don’t get me wrong, I still like to get presents), but I love seeing the look in someone’s eyes when I get them the right Christmas present.
But Halloween is the next biggest holiday in our household. And it started from when I first had my own place. That year, my (now) wife and I threw a Halloween costume party for our friends which was an annual occurrence until our son was about two years old. When we moved to our current house (a century plus old Carpenter Gothic style house), we created treasure hunts that went to scary themed rooms through out the house. Once our son started to trick or or treat, the parties ended, but we still decorated. For a couple of years, we had a graveyard of terror for kids to explore if they dared.
Why do I love Halloween so much? I blame it on two things: a love of theatre and a love of horror. Before my son was born, my wife and I participated in two – three community theatre shows each year. I have to say, I love costumes…not that I ever got really great costumes. But costumes do contribute greatly to character. And as an outgrowth of that, I have an interest in makeup. I honestly think that one of the worst things for my makeup interest was watching the SyFy show Face Off, as it only wants to make me do more things with makeup.
My love of horror probably goes back to my childhood to Monster Movie Matinee. Every Saturday, starting at 1:00 PM when the cartoons were over, we travelled to the mansion on the hill (actually, a well crafted model), to see long fingers of Dr. E. Nick Witty, the host, with occasional appearances of Epal, his assistant. We never saw our host’s face, only his hand with the long fingers and dagger long nails. The host would introduce the movie of the day which ranged from the classic Universal Monster movies (Frankenstein, Dracula, The Wolf Man, Creature From The Black Lagoon), to all manner of 50’s and 60’s horror movies including The Blob. I sat transfixed every Saturday afternoon that I could watching those movies. I think at one point, I even had put together one of those plastic models of Frankenstein with the glow in the dark gravestones (like in the original movie Fright Night)
In many ways, I was really lucky to grow up at the end of the Baby Boom era (I fit the generally accepted criteria for Gen X, but just barely). At the height of the Baby Boom era, shows like Monster Movie Matinee could be found many places across the country as movies were used to fill time on the channels and I’m sure that many of the movies could be broadcast cheaply. Shows like Monster Movie Matinee just don’t exist anymore and it’s damn hard to find a channel with the classic monster movies. TMC is usually a good bet (like they were much of Halloween this year) to see the 1950’s and 1960’s Hammer Studio remakes of the classic monster movies with Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee seemingly changing place as the monster du jour. I find it sad that we don’t get to appreciate these old movies very often. They aren’t scary in what we would consider scary according to modern sensibilities, but they have such great atmosphere. And they have defined the tone of many horror genres since.
This has been a great Halloween for me as I’ve been able to reconnect to my love of the old horror movies. I got to watch two Hammer Studio productions of Dracula, Prince of Darkness and Dracula 1972 (sort of Dracula meets Austin Powers). In addition, I watched two horror classics that I’ve never seen before; The Exorcist (yes, I’m ashamed that I’ve never seen it until now) and The Evil Dead. This will probably keep me sated for horror movies until next Fall (Walking Dead not included in that statement).
So here are some pictures of the Tefft House of Terror. We went with the ever popular Frankenstein theme with my wife Colleen as the mad scientist and yours truly as the monster. I went with an interpretation similar to the Peter Cushing Frankenstein of Frankenstein Must Be Destroyed because I thought it made more sense than the green, block-headed shape of the Karloff Frankenstein.
So what does all of this have to do with my writing? My love of horror will be evident in my next book. Without giving away too many spoilers, the book will drift more into the supernatural and horror genre. Malcolm and friends will find themselves confronting horrors that they are not necessarily prepared to fight. I don’t want to say too much more because: a) I don’t want to spoil anything, and b) it’s not written yet so everything is subject to change.
Until this time next year, creepy dreams!
Mike
A Martian, An Airship Captain, and a Star Fleet Engineer Walk Out of a Book…
I just finished reading The Martian by Andy Weir and I really loved it. You can see how much by checking out my review on GoodReads. I have to say that I am extremely glad that I didn’t read this book before I wrote my own because I might have given up. The reason? Our main characters, Mark Watney from The Martian and Malcolm Robertson from The Reluctant Captain are defined as world class problem solvers. Andy Weir did such a good job with Mark Watney, I might very well have been afraid of creating Malcolm.
Why did I create Malcolm and love The Martian so much? I blame Star Trek. I’ve been a fan every since I can remember. Star Trek and I are the same age. I remember spending Sunday afternoons watching the original series in syndication on one of the three channels we got with our antenna (for my young readers, those are those funny things you still see on houses that you used to get TV channels before cable existed – you know, when dinosaurs ruled the earth). I wanted to be an astronaut growing up and wanted to become a fighter pilot as a first step. I then found out you have to have perfect eyesight and that dream crashed quickly. But a few scant years later, I found computers. And found I really liked them. But I didn’t think I wanted to just program, so I went to school for Electrical and Computer Engineering.
That’s when I reconnected with Star Trek and began my affinity for Star Fleet’s greatest engineer, Montgomery “Scotty” Scott. The reason he appealed to me was the fact that he solved critical issues not with his fists, but with his brain. Here was someone who looked at every problem and found a solution. Even when he “couldnae change the laws of physics”, he found ways to bend them to his purpose. I’ve always tried to model my career and work ethic after him.
And why is that? Because engineers, in the end, are problem solvers. They take their knowledge of science and math and apply it in a practical way to solve a problem. Scientists discover scientific principles; engineers turn them into practical solutions to real problems. And that’s always appealed to me. It’s an act of creation – not unlike writing a book or composing a song. You’ve taken abstract principles and turned them into something.
The love of engineering and Scotty, in particular, drove me to write The Reluctant Captain. The premise was: what if the chief engineer were in charge? Malcolm, being Scottish, is obviously an homage to Scotty, but I tried hard to make him his very own character. He’s a problem solver, although most of his problems now are dealing with people instead of equipment. But that problem solving mentality is what drove me to write him.
Which brings me full circle to The Martian. I love the same thing about Mark Watney as I do the other engineers: he never gives up and figures that almost any problem can be solved with the right thinking and maybe a little luck. As I said in my review, he’s a sarcastic, tireless, problem solver without peer; he’s who I want to be when I grow up.
So here’s to engineers as heroes! Too often, they are portrayed as dorks or nerds of the highest degree (and trust me, there is much of a basis to that stereotype – and I include myself in that). It’s great that knowledge of science and math are celebrated as are the people who can wield them. I, for one, will do my part to keep the “engineer as hero” theme going!
Until next time, happy journeys!
Mike
PS: If, like me, you like to read the exploits of a problem solving engineer, check out my book The Reluctant Captain!
Read MoreA Confluence of Weirdness (Almost)
A bunch of totally unrelated events have happened and it moved me to finally write something here.
First – (mini) Book Review
Earlier in August, I read Felicia Day’s bestselling book “You’re Never Weird on The Internet (almost)”. It’s easy to say “Of course you love it; you love everything she does” (and that would be true). She certainly doesn’t need my endorsement to help her sell her book, but I’m giving it because it’s a fascinating look into her creative process and (without giving away spoilers) could be a cautionary tale about the price of success and losing who you are. I highly recommend it.
Second – Work Sucks
Yes, I know everyone’s work sucks (It’s why it’s called work and not fun, right?). But this week has really pushed me to the brink. I won’t go into gory details, because no one really cares, but suffice it to say, I felt like I was five minutes away from just getting up and walking out (with no particular plan). Fortunately, the rational part of my mind stopped me.
Third – One of those Stupid Facebook Personality Tests
Last night, I took one of those stupid Facebook Personality Tests. Here’s what I got:
Do You Have A Point, Mike?
So because work has kicked me down, all I could think of last night was “If I’m such an overachiever, why do I feel like such an <expletive> loser ? (yes, I could use the real word and I often do in my own speech, particularly my internal monologue, but I guess I’m too hung up about putting it in print. At some point, I’m just going to have to do a blog post whose complete content is the f-bomb – we all have our hang ups). I hate my job, it’s demanding more time so I can’t write, my books sales are non-existent, my new book sucks…and from there it just generates into the whole “living in a van down by the river, dying alone and being eaten by cats” riff (even though I don’t own a van or a cat).
Enough Already; GET TO THE POINT!
I decided after reading Felicia’s book (I’m hoping it’s OK we’re on a first name basis, Felicia. I know you don’t know me – but you did respond to one of my tweets once!), that I wanted to write about what it meant to me. So tonight, I start skimming the book again for probably the fourth or fifth time.
And BAM!
Realization set in. I probably am an overachiever – much like Felicia, I’m driven by making adults/teachers/bosses happy. I did very well in high school, pretty well in college, and I’ve mostly had very good performance reviews at work. I’m very competitive, as my family can attest when we play Monopoly. When I’ve completed something, it’s usually because there’s a goal or challenge involved. I wrote my novel because I wanted to “win” Na-No-Wri-Mo (don’t know what I’m talking about? Check this out), I’ve been walking like a mad man because we’re having a 10,000 Steps a Day Challenge at work (this is one part that doesn’t suck). I work hard all summer so that I play well in the local summer bands and am then very critical of myself.
And you know what? That’s fine. It really doesn’t matter if I’m “successful”. What is that anyways? I think that success is defined by how you measure it. If you set a goal and achieve it, celebrate it! So what if only fifty people read your book? If those fifty people really liked it, you’ve done something valuable. (Aside, I just deleted a then in that statement because I remember hearing that you can tell when a programmer is writing because he/she always uses “If….., then” – it’s true – I work very hard not to do that).
I’ve done many things in my life that I’m proud of that might not have been deemed a success, but I’ve done them. For three years, I had my software company and I wrote software that someone actually paid money to own. Me, the tubby kid who hated gym in school, ran/walked a 5K race. I’ve been paid to play trumpet. I’ve written a novel. I have a wonderful wife and a great son. Maybe none of these have been successes in the financial sense, but they are personal accomplishments that mean a great deal to me.
And I was reminded of that tonight because of your book, Felicia. Thanks again so much for everything you do!
(OK, I feel weird keep calling you by your first name because we haven’t met, but Ms. Day just seems really stuffy and formal).
(NOTE: Just because I said that I feel like a success because I’ve written a novel doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t buy my book! Please buy it and tell all of your friends to buy it!)
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